The first name in second reads.
Monday Mourning: Opening Week
Merriman and Blount incidents make headlines
BOOM! It hit so fast that there nearly wasn't enough time to transfer thoughts from Blackberry to laptop... but, without further adieu, the day-late but never dollar-short, first edition of Monday Mourning, The Checkdown's football week in review: The Sean Merriman Domestic Dispute Edition:
Missouri vs. Illinois
Alas, one of the best names in college football will never beat one of his chief rivals, as Juice Williams and Illinois fell to Missouri 37-9. It looks as if Mizzou hasn't missed a beat with their aerial attack, as Chase Daniel's highly-touted replacement, Blaine Gabbert, threw for 319 and 3 TDs in his debut as a starter.
NC State vs. South Carolina
Let's be honest, ESPN could throw put just about any 2 teams on the flat screen for Opening Night College Football and I'd sit down to watch...and they did, kicking-off the season with North Carolina State hosting the Gamecocks of South Carolina.
NC State QB, Russell Wilson throws a really pretty ball... too bad none of his receivers can seem to hold on to it. The Wolfpack offense was stymied all night by Steve Spurrier's South Carolina defense in a 7-3 loss that saw the Wolfpack produce only 133 yards of total offense. That wasn't the worst news of the weekend for the ACC; Duke lost to Richmond and Virginia lost to William and Mary, both FCS (formerly 1-AA) schools. And with Virginia Tech losing the marquee non-conference match up it "so far, so bad" in the "big non-con win" jockeying that becomes important during BCS time...The conference is thanking its lucky stars for Florida State and Miami's classic match up on Monday.
LaGarrette Blount. Holy shit.
Plaxico Burress thinks that was a questionable decision. Kermit Washington thinks that you used bad judgment. I had NO FREAKING IDEA that Mr. Blount would actually seek out the wisdom of arguably the most infamous sucker-puncher of all time. Hopefully he can teach LaGarrette to put the "fist" in "pacifist," like Chuck Norris. I'm glad the kid is seeking counsel, but the person he chose with which to break bread is painfully ironic. It's like shooting a mime with a silencer, or talking to George Lopez about being funny.
Just to be clear: It's never a good idea to sucker-punch an opposing player at any time during a football game or afterwards. Also, you look like a buster if you blind side a guy and then start back-peddling. Prince Fielder thought that was weak.
The Greg Paulus Era...err, Experiment
... began with an overtime loss to Minnesota when Paulus threw his lone interception of the contest. The former Duke guard, who was the 2004 Gatorade High School National Football Player of the Year, is using his 5th year of eligibility to play with the pigskin. ... viewers were confused when Paulus kept getting in a defensive stance and slapping the field turf in the Carrier Dome.
Let the mid-major talk resume
Colorado State tops in-state rival Colorado, Boise blasts Oregon like they were Lagerrette Blount, and BYU shocked Oklahoma... if the reader is wondering where the Utah reference is: not good enough. They got screwed last year but they need to blast Utah State.
Miami vs. Florida State
I'll echo the sentiments of the rest of the country in saying: it was GREAT to see Florida State and THE U go at it "Instant Classic" style once again. We'll see what the coming weeks bring, but they appear to have the talent level and high profile stars to keep America interested on a week-to-week.
The man who I thought would be the biggest noise maker on the field, Miami linebacker Sean Spence, was overshadowed not only by the outstanding play of both teams QBs -- FSU's Christian Ponder and Miami's Jacory Harris (a former Mr. Football in the state of Florida who ousted the now-transferred Robert Varve), who threw for an against-FSU-record of 386 yards), but by my new main man, FSU safety Greg Reed: The true freshman had an interception, 3 tackles and 99 yards worth of punt returns.
In the "Did this really happen?" category: Yes, Monday's "Back on Campus" segment of the COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME between FSU and Miami game was officially sponsored by the soon to be released film "Sorority Row," a film about a bunch of college girls that are murdered in their sorority house. There's a million directions to go with this one...wow. Remember, the contest features two schools from the state of Florida, the state where legendary murderer-rapist combo guy, Ted Bundy raped and murdered a bunch of girls IN A SORORITY! I wish I could make this stuff up... does The Onion run the marketing department at ESPN?
Seriously K State? Seriously?
This is not good. 21-17 over the Minutemen of Umass? Bill Snyder's team looked less than stellar in his 2nd K-State debut in the stadium named after him. The biggest news of the weekend for the MILDcats was the success of the new GA position that K-State implemented: The position, which is simply designated as "caregiver," entails keeping Coach Snyder facing the field during play, ensuring that he doesn't wander on to the field, changing his depends, reminding him where he is when he asks, "Where am I?" and ensuring that the "Lion King" soundtrack play in his headset during the game to keep him calm... this idea was obviously stolen from Penn State.
Those top-ranked Gators
They rolled over Charleston Southern 62-3 (nearly covering that unbelievable 63 point spread). Tebow of Nazareth reportedly turned Gatorade into wine at halftime at the request of his teammates. One would think that any guy who put his hands into "prayer formation" after every touchdown pass during his Heisman run would be noted as the Holiest his school had ever seen. Sorry Danny Weurfel, Timmy T. is on another level.
Looking Ahead
Michigan looked good in the big house, and Notre looked good in South Bend, setting up two 1-0 teams for: RichRod vs. The Fat Man this Saturday in Ann Arbor. If Chuckles wins, his enormous ass is a little further off that "you better produce this year" hot seat and Lou Holtz can sound even nuttier with his "Notre Dame as National Champs" and "Jimmy Claussen for Heisman" campaign (where's Beano Cook chiming in about Ron Powlus when you need him?)....if RichRod wins, maybe the Blue Bloods in Ann Arbor will loosen up for the night and let him and the rest of his alcoholic coaching staff enjoy a rip-roaring night at the bars.
USC blasted San Jose State 56-3
True freshman QB, Matt Barkley looked about as good as any 18-year-old that's ever taken a snap, throwing for 233 yards and 1 TD, while Trojan RB Dua Stafon Johnson and Joe McKnight combined for 172 yards and 4 TDs on the ground. That performance was a far cry from the Trojans opponent this week, as the Buckeyes of Ohio State were a 2-point conversion away from overtime with... Navy? Yup. The Bucks squeaked it out 31-27, but Terrell Pryor and company better come correct or Saturday is going to be remembered as "the one-sided USC victory" in Columbus rather than it's current title as the "Collision in Columbus."
Not-So Merry-Man
While this issue has been a filled with news of the college variety, we close with some NFL news. Shawn Merriman: get better. You had a domestic dispute with the star a bisexual reality dating show whose name is Tila Tequila. She placed you under citizens arrest after allegations that you choked and abused her.
First of all, I didn't know that people could actually place someone under citizens arrest. Also, You claim that you were attempting to stop her from driving around drunk. You are probably telling the truth, as her last name is "Tequila." You shouldn't be necessarily embarrassed that you tried to stop someone from drunk driving. You should be embarrassed that you were hanging out with Tila Tequila. You're a pro-bowler, can't you do better than that?
Missouri vs. Illinois
Alas, one of the best names in college football will never beat one of his chief rivals, as Juice Williams and Illinois fell to Missouri 37-9. It looks as if Mizzou hasn't missed a beat with their aerial attack, as Chase Daniel's highly-touted replacement, Blaine Gabbert, threw for 319 and 3 TDs in his debut as a starter.
NC State vs. South Carolina
Let's be honest, ESPN could throw put just about any 2 teams on the flat screen for Opening Night College Football and I'd sit down to watch...and they did, kicking-off the season with North Carolina State hosting the Gamecocks of South Carolina.
NC State QB, Russell Wilson throws a really pretty ball... too bad none of his receivers can seem to hold on to it. The Wolfpack offense was stymied all night by Steve Spurrier's South Carolina defense in a 7-3 loss that saw the Wolfpack produce only 133 yards of total offense. That wasn't the worst news of the weekend for the ACC; Duke lost to Richmond and Virginia lost to William and Mary, both FCS (formerly 1-AA) schools. And with Virginia Tech losing the marquee non-conference match up it "so far, so bad" in the "big non-con win" jockeying that becomes important during BCS time...The conference is thanking its lucky stars for Florida State and Miami's classic match up on Monday.
LaGarrette Blount. Holy shit.
Plaxico Burress thinks that was a questionable decision. Kermit Washington thinks that you used bad judgment. I had NO FREAKING IDEA that Mr. Blount would actually seek out the wisdom of arguably the most infamous sucker-puncher of all time. Hopefully he can teach LaGarrette to put the "fist" in "pacifist," like Chuck Norris. I'm glad the kid is seeking counsel, but the person he chose with which to break bread is painfully ironic. It's like shooting a mime with a silencer, or talking to George Lopez about being funny.
Just to be clear: It's never a good idea to sucker-punch an opposing player at any time during a football game or afterwards. Also, you look like a buster if you blind side a guy and then start back-peddling. Prince Fielder thought that was weak.
The Greg Paulus Era...err, Experiment
... began with an overtime loss to Minnesota when Paulus threw his lone interception of the contest. The former Duke guard, who was the 2004 Gatorade High School National Football Player of the Year, is using his 5th year of eligibility to play with the pigskin. ... viewers were confused when Paulus kept getting in a defensive stance and slapping the field turf in the Carrier Dome.
Let the mid-major talk resume
Colorado State tops in-state rival Colorado, Boise blasts Oregon like they were Lagerrette Blount, and BYU shocked Oklahoma... if the reader is wondering where the Utah reference is: not good enough. They got screwed last year but they need to blast Utah State.
Miami vs. Florida State
I'll echo the sentiments of the rest of the country in saying: it was GREAT to see Florida State and THE U go at it "Instant Classic" style once again. We'll see what the coming weeks bring, but they appear to have the talent level and high profile stars to keep America interested on a week-to-week.
The man who I thought would be the biggest noise maker on the field, Miami linebacker Sean Spence, was overshadowed not only by the outstanding play of both teams QBs -- FSU's Christian Ponder and Miami's Jacory Harris (a former Mr. Football in the state of Florida who ousted the now-transferred Robert Varve), who threw for an against-FSU-record of 386 yards), but by my new main man, FSU safety Greg Reed: The true freshman had an interception, 3 tackles and 99 yards worth of punt returns.
In the "Did this really happen?" category: Yes, Monday's "Back on Campus" segment of the COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME between FSU and Miami game was officially sponsored by the soon to be released film "Sorority Row," a film about a bunch of college girls that are murdered in their sorority house. There's a million directions to go with this one...wow. Remember, the contest features two schools from the state of Florida, the state where legendary murderer-rapist combo guy, Ted Bundy raped and murdered a bunch of girls IN A SORORITY! I wish I could make this stuff up... does The Onion run the marketing department at ESPN?
Seriously K State? Seriously?
This is not good. 21-17 over the Minutemen of Umass? Bill Snyder's team looked less than stellar in his 2nd K-State debut in the stadium named after him. The biggest news of the weekend for the MILDcats was the success of the new GA position that K-State implemented: The position, which is simply designated as "caregiver," entails keeping Coach Snyder facing the field during play, ensuring that he doesn't wander on to the field, changing his depends, reminding him where he is when he asks, "Where am I?" and ensuring that the "Lion King" soundtrack play in his headset during the game to keep him calm... this idea was obviously stolen from Penn State.
Those top-ranked Gators
They rolled over Charleston Southern 62-3 (nearly covering that unbelievable 63 point spread). Tebow of Nazareth reportedly turned Gatorade into wine at halftime at the request of his teammates. One would think that any guy who put his hands into "prayer formation" after every touchdown pass during his Heisman run would be noted as the Holiest his school had ever seen. Sorry Danny Weurfel, Timmy T. is on another level.
Looking Ahead
Michigan looked good in the big house, and Notre looked good in South Bend, setting up two 1-0 teams for: RichRod vs. The Fat Man this Saturday in Ann Arbor. If Chuckles wins, his enormous ass is a little further off that "you better produce this year" hot seat and Lou Holtz can sound even nuttier with his "Notre Dame as National Champs" and "Jimmy Claussen for Heisman" campaign (where's Beano Cook chiming in about Ron Powlus when you need him?)....if RichRod wins, maybe the Blue Bloods in Ann Arbor will loosen up for the night and let him and the rest of his alcoholic coaching staff enjoy a rip-roaring night at the bars.
USC blasted San Jose State 56-3
True freshman QB, Matt Barkley looked about as good as any 18-year-old that's ever taken a snap, throwing for 233 yards and 1 TD, while Trojan RB Dua Stafon Johnson and Joe McKnight combined for 172 yards and 4 TDs on the ground. That performance was a far cry from the Trojans opponent this week, as the Buckeyes of Ohio State were a 2-point conversion away from overtime with... Navy? Yup. The Bucks squeaked it out 31-27, but Terrell Pryor and company better come correct or Saturday is going to be remembered as "the one-sided USC victory" in Columbus rather than it's current title as the "Collision in Columbus."
Not-So Merry-Man
While this issue has been a filled with news of the college variety, we close with some NFL news. Shawn Merriman: get better. You had a domestic dispute with the star a bisexual reality dating show whose name is Tila Tequila. She placed you under citizens arrest after allegations that you choked and abused her.
First of all, I didn't know that people could actually place someone under citizens arrest. Also, You claim that you were attempting to stop her from driving around drunk. You are probably telling the truth, as her last name is "Tequila." You shouldn't be necessarily embarrassed that you tried to stop someone from drunk driving. You should be embarrassed that you were hanging out with Tila Tequila. You're a pro-bowler, can't you do better than that?
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