The Checkdown

Clayton's Five Fearless Predictions

2009-12-12T19:27:50Z

C.L. Lovett makes five bold predicitions for tonight's Heisman Trophy presentation and shares who he'd cast a vote for and why .

Unlike most years, suspense will fill the air tonight in New York when the Heisman Trophy winner is announced. Here are five fearless prognostications for what will transpire during the ceremony:

5. Tim Tebow will cry before the winner is announced.

4. Tim Tebow will cry after the winner is announced.

3. Ndamukong Suh will cry all the way to the bank after finishing third in the balloting.

2. Colt McCoy will make it to the podium to accept the award, marking the first time in a week he had eluded Suh's rush.

1. Four sportswriters interviewed after the ceremony will admit they wanted to vote for Suh, but couldn't spell his name.

My vote: Heisman should be Suh's to lose

Four days before Colorado played Nebraska last month, CU coach Dan Hawkins gave voice to the conventional wisdom of the moment.

Could Ndamukong Suh, the Huskers' peerless defensive tackle, win the Heisman Trophy?

"Is he worthy of winning the Heisman?" Hawkins asked. "Yeah. Will it ever happen? No."

This was pretty much the consensus until a week ago, when Suh manhandled Texas and its Heisman hopeful quarterback, Colt McCoy, in the Big 12 championship game. The burly, agile 300-pounder split the Longhorns' double teams like cord wood, collecting 12 tackles, seven for losses, and 4 K sacks in a dominant performance.

For many who watched that game, "the most outstanding college football player in the United States for 2009" was suddenly a no-brainer.

Tonight, when they present the venerable statue in New York, a defensive tackle will sit with the running backs and quarterbacks -- Mc-Coy among them -- who make up the rest of the finalists. According to the projections, Suh has a legitimate chance to win.

But you knew there was a catch, and here it is: The Nebraska star could end up with the most firstplace votes and still not walk away with the statue. That would be because too many Heisman voters, locked into their traditional groupthink, left Suh off their ballots altogether. Mandate Media of Portland, Ore., conducts an exit poll among Heisman voters each year to project the winner. It is seven-for-seven coming into this year, having projected Carson Palmer, Jason White, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, Troy Smith, Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford over the past seven years.

As of Friday afternoon, it was projecting one of the closest races in Heisman history, with Alabama running back Mark Ingram holding a narrow lead over Suh and Stanford running back Toby Gerhart, followed by quarterbacks McCoy and Tebow.

If that's the way it comes out, it will be the same old same old. No defensive lineman has ever won the award, which goes back to 1935. Forty-three running backs have.

In fact, of the 75 previous winners, only one -- Charles Woodson, in 1997 -- was a defensive player.

Think about that. In the last 75 years, "the most outstanding player in college football" has been a defensive player one time. Even if you know nothing about the law of averages, that's nonsense.

And don't think that Suh as a runner-up will give the next great defensive lineman a better chance. Hugh Green finished second to George Rogers in 1980, and it took only 29 years for another defensive lineman to contend.

There are slightly more than 900 Heisman voters. Full disclosure: I'm one. I voted for Suh, C.J. Spiller of Clemson and Gerhart, in that order. I also gave Elvis Dumervil a third-place vote in 2005, so I've been on this kick to expand the candidate pool for a while.

As of Friday afternoon, Mandate Media claimed to know the contents of 295 ballots, or nearly a third. Suh received the most first-place votes, 91, among those. The next-highest total of firstplace votes belonged to Ingram, with 68.

Nevertheless, Ingram led in total points because he was named -- in first, second or third place -- on 192 ballots, while Suh was named on only 174. In other words, Suh was trailing the total vote because he wasn't mentioned at all on more ballots than Ingram (or Gerhart, for that matter, who was named on 181).

Oddly, if the vote comes out that way, Suh's performance in the Big 12 championship game will have been enough to eliminate McCoy, but not enough to elect Suh.

"It's that old deal," Hawkins said back in November. "Defense wins championships and offense sells tickets. I just think that's the way it is. But he's certainly as good as any college football player in the country."

Topping a masterful season, Suh's performance in the Big 12 championship game didn't demonstrate merely that he was a very good player. It demonstrated that by the Heisman Trust's own language, a defensive lineman could be the most outstanding player in college football, even on the same field as the skill player previously thought to fit that description.

It was a breakthrough, which is why Ndamukong Suh deserves to break the Heisman barrier tonight. He was, in fact, college football's most outstanding player this year. And if he doesn't walk away with that statue, it will be because too many voters labor under a narrow-minded prejudice that just won't die.

Headliners: NFL Week 10 Preview

2009-11-14T17:19:39Z

Pittsburgh survives AFC North battle
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (1 p.m. EST - Sunday - CBS)
Commentators: Jim Nantz, Phil Simms

While Sunday night's match-up features a rivalry with recent history, this game has a lot more on the line. The build-up here is that the winner takes the lead in the AFC North.

We'll probably here a bit about how each team generally carries the "nobody believes in us" flag, but the title of underdog will slant in favor of the Bengals, who, at best, have been sporadically competitive in their recent history. This is their "statement" game, as they have a chance to sweep Pittsburgh and, because of tiebreakers, essentially earn a two game lead with a victory. Pittsburgh knows what's at stake and they're playing at home. The Steelers get the win and we'll hear about their "championship form."

Brady, Moss connect three times in win over Colts
New England at Indianapolis (8:20 p.m. EST - Sunday - NBC)
Commentators: Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth

Honestly, I think the importance of this game is overplayed. Based more on nostalgia and quarterbacks than reality and playoff scenarios. It doesn't take away from an exciting matchup, but whoever wins and whoever loses won't really impact, outside of seedings (maybe), the bigger playoff picture.

We'll definitely get discussion on this rivalry's history and the headliners involved (Brady and Manning). As for an outcome, the Patriots have been quietly efficient of late and would love to deliver the Colts' first loss of the season in Indy under the national spotlight. With a beat-up secondary, I think the Colts' oblige.

Headliners: NFL Week 9 Preview

2009-11-07T23:00:16Z

Texas-sized upset; Houston hands Indy first loss
Houston at Indianapolis (1 p.m. EST - Sunday - CBS)
Commentators: Kevin Harlan, Solomon Wilcots

I only pick this game because it'll be the Colts first loss this season. They didn't look very good against the 49ers at home and now face a Houston team that is being built up as the "biggest game in Texans history." It'll be tough for Peyton's merry men to match that intensity, especially coming off the news that they've lost Bob Sanders for the rest of the season.

Philly beats Dallas, takes hold of NFC East lead
Dallas at Philadelphia (8:20 p.m. EST - Sunday - NBC)
Commentators: Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth

The focus of this game will be on the division with the winner earning sole possession (for a week anyway). Michaels will surely discuss Brian Westbrook returning from a concussion and what the NFL is going to do to better protect players.

Collinsworth will want to narrow the focus to how both Donovan McNabb and Tony Romo are playing for the respective teams. I don't remember the last time Romo delivered a clutch performance on the road. Lots of points will be scored, but Dallas won't keep the pace.

Broncos end Steelers' 4-game winning streak
Pittsburgh at Denver (8:30 p.m. EST - Monday - ESPN)
Commentators: Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski, Jon Gruden

The focus will be on the defenses, with the commentating team having the responsibility of introducing a lot of Denver's defensive playmakers to a national audience. Should be a low-scoring game and I'll give the edge to the Broncos, who, playing at home, are eager to prove themselves after getting smacked in the face by the Ravens last week.

Headliners: NFL Week 8 Preview

2009-10-31T04:35:37Z

Bronco D holds off Flacco, Ravens
Denver at Baltimore (1 p.m. EST - Sunday - CBS)
Commentators: Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf

It's tough to argue against what has been a dominant Denver defense. Commentators will showcase that defense and how they're getting the Rodney "Can't get no respect" Dangerfield treatment. The Ravens offense has been great in the final quarter, where the Broncos defense has also been strong. And that's what'll come down to - Denver forces a late turnover to seal a victory. I guess you can consider me on the bandwagon, which probably means they'll lose.

Beater of the Pack: Peterson dominates Favre's Lambeau return
Minnesota at Green Bay (3:15 p.m. EST - Sunday - FOX)
Commentators: Thom Brennaman, Troy Aikman

Favre returns to Lambeau field. And exhale. Aside from that, this is a very important division game that will come down to two things - Brad Childress' play-calling and the Packers protection of Aaron Rodgers.

Childress should run Peterson early and often in an attempt to slow the game down and curb the emotions of both the Lambeau crowd and Favre. If Childress decides to air it out, Minnesota could be in trouble. Green Bay hasn't done much to sure up an offensive line that gave up eight sacks three weeks ago to this same defense. I think Adrian has his first "statement" game of the year - and Favre will happily hand it to him.

All Saints Day; New Orleans moves to 7-0
Atlanta at New Orleans (7:30 p.m. EST - Monday - ESPN)
Commentators: Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski, Jon Gruden

The Drew Brees love affair continues. The Saints see an opportunity to step on the throats of a division opponent on a national stage. It looks like a good game on paper, but at home, New Orleans will blow out Atlanta and the fourth quarter will be spent listening to Brees' MVP status, the historic pace the offense is on and the premature discussion of possibilities of an undefeated season.

Monster Mash: Part Two

2009-10-30T20:18:05Z

With Halloween upon us, I'll bet you're busy thinking about what kind of costume to wear. Well, I've done a little bit of homework as to what some of our favorite (and not-so favorite) figures in the world of sports are dressing up as... maybe you'll find some inspiration.

Me? I'm going as Bob Ross.

Now that he's not chasing around Barry Bonds, ESPN reporter Pedro Gomez has some extra time on his hands. Time that he's spent watching American Idol re-runs. So his initial choice of attending a Halloween party as Paula Abdul was no surprise...for some reason he scrapped that plan and dressed up as former Idol winner, Taylor Hicks.

The Raptors' Hedo Turkoglu dressed up as everyone's favorite loser, Bud Bundy.

Marshawn Lynch's Halloween costume was so easy that... well... HE could do it. Marshawn Lynch as the Gieco Caveman.

ESPN's John Clayton has a TON of options for dressing up: he could go as The Simpsons' Montgomery Burns... or Stewie Griffin from Family Guy... or South Park's Mr Mackey.

Yabbabdabba-Dallas! Mavs owner Mark Cuban will be masquerading as Fred Flintstone this Halloween.

I loved him as the manager of the Chicago Cubs, but this Halloween people will love Don Zimmer as Mr. Magoo.

Former Atlanta Brave Otis Nixon is going as a shrunken head.

Raiders owner and nutcase Al Davis, surprisingly still alive, is dressing up this year - and every day - as the Crypt Keeper.

Josh Hamilton will be "partying" as one of the characters from Trainspotting.

Packers DB Atari Bigby will terrorize Green Bay in his Predator costume.

I'll be at Shboom'shbooms: Former Phillies great Pete Incaviligia will wear a Kenny Powers costume this weekend.

We all know that women use the Halloween holiday to dress promiscuously; there will be tons of 'everyday' get-ups out there at your Halloween party deemed "costume-worthy" by simply putting the word "slutty" in from of them. For example: slutty cop, slutty fireman, slutty [insert word here]... That's why ESPN's Rachel Nichols going as a slutty reporter.

Check out more potential costume-contest winners in "Monster Mash: Part One."

Let us know who we missed in the 'Post Game' below or on our Facebook page.

Monster Mash: Part One

2009-10-30T00:32:57Z

With Halloween upon us, I'll bet you're busy thinking about what kind of costume to wear. Well, I've done a little bit of homework as to what some of our favorite (and not-so favorite) figures in the world of sports are dressing up as... maybe you'll find some inspiration.

Me? I'm going as Bob Ross.

Dan Hawkins (the University of Colorado Football coach, not the guitarist for The Darkness) is going as Family Guy's Chris Griffin... the only unrealistic thing about this costume is that Hawkins is probably not smart enough to convince anyone that he's actually Griffin.

Notre QB Jimmy Claussen is trick-or-treating in South Bend as Beavis... maybe Charlie Weiss can be Butthead.
If that doesn't work, Jimmy can go as an ostrich.

Maccabi Tel Aviv Coach Pini Gershon, who was ejected from a pre-season game against the Knicks, could make some waves back home as Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain.

One is a quirky Grecian, the other an out of control Argentinian... close enough, right? Manu Ginobli will hit San Antonio Saturday night as Balki Bartokomous from 'Perfect Strangers.'

He probably still gets carded in the Bay Area, but he'd be revered in Vegas with his costume: Steph Curry steals Tiger Woods' go-to costume and goes trick-or-treating as poker stud Phil Ivey.

That creep can roll: Former MLB journeyman catcher Benito Santiago won't be able to trick-or-treat within 50 yards of an elementary school with his costume - The Jesus from 'The Big Lebowski.'

Nope, that's not Dusty Bottoms, it's Atlanta Falcon's head coach, Mike Smith in his costume as Lucky Day of 'The Three Amigos.'

On the field, Vikings defensive end Jared Allen attacks bad human beings like Jay Cutler, but on All Hallow's Eve he'll dress up like he's attacking bad human beings like 'Cyrus the Virus' in his Cameron Poe ('Con-Air') outfit.

The hair... the 'stache... the essence. All Stan Van Gundy needs to do for his Ron Jeremy costume is lose his clothes.

Baseball's "Iron Man" is going as Jerry Springer's "Iron Man" when Cal Ripken Jr. roams the streets of Baltimore as Steve Wilkos. *A side note: if you haven't seen Steve Wilkos' talk show, do yourself a favor and stay home from work to do so. It IS possible to get worse than Springer.

Mel "Hair" Kiper Jr. ranked his Joey Buttafucco costume as the number one prospect at the "statutory-rape-and-wife-shooting" position.

Jeremy Schaap wins this year's "You Have No Taste" Award, dressing up as Eric Menendez.

Look for more potential costume-contest winners tomorrow when we post "Monster Mash: Part Two."

Until then, let us know who we missed in the 'Post Game' below or on our Facebook page.

Clayton's Mailbox: Vol. 2

2009-10-28T22:05:20Z

The Checkdown's resident rambler, Clayton Lovett, answers questions from a few pups who conjured queries worthy of a response.
____________________________________

Is it just me, or is Jay Cutler the easiest quarterback to hate in the NFL since Jeff George?

'Ryla
Kansas City, MO

'Ryla,
Yes. Jay Cutler is a piece of sh*t. The only people even close to him on the "Puck-from-the-Real-World Scale of Human Sh*ttiness" are Ryan Leaf and Kerry Collins during his alcoholic-racist-spouse-abusing days in New York.

Cutler is the easiest kind of guy to hate - He treats those around him poorly, he pout, and he thinks he freaking schweet; He's the kind of guy who when you see in the office and ask "What are you doing tonight?" he answers, "tri's and back." To top it all off, he's having a horrible season and (The Bears are 3-3. Jay has 11 TDs and 10 INTs) but just signed a 30 million dollar contract anyway; just the kind of thing that makes a guy easy to hate... he can't even produce insulin correctly. He's as easy to hate as a nude picture of Rosie O'Donnell.

- C.L.

____________________________________

I'm a big fan of 'Lil Wayne and I know you are, too. Weezy was just busted for attempted fire arm possession and will most likely be locked up for a year after his sentencing in February. What are your thoughts? Will going to the clink ruin his career?

-Ryan
Denver, CO

Ryan,
Shocked? No. Dismayed? Initially, yes, but think of the sh*t Wayne'll come up with during lockdown. If Slick Rick can release an album from behind bars and Tupac can do it from beyond the grave, I think Weezy F. Baby will be just fine. His next album will be a game-changer. My only fear is that he converts to Islam - there's not that much stuff that rhymes with Jihad.

- C.L.

____________________________________

Why in baseball are you a coward if you DON'T leave the dugout during a fight and in the NBA you are a thug and will face a suspension for stepping on the court?

-Ben
Beatrice, NE

Ben,
Great question. I think reason may lie in some of - or a lot - of Major League Baseball's affinity for staying in the stone age. There's no instant replay, players are allowed/encouraged to fight with one another, Jim Leyland smokes in the dugout... they still use dial up internet connections.

The other reason, I believe, is this: I would say that the percentage of dumb people at any given sporting event is pretty representative of the population. Further, I would say that the percentage of fans that are dumb is pretty similar to the percentage of athletes that are dumb. It's just that with such a large population of fans and small population of athletes, the dumb athletes are highlighted and the dumb fans are forgotten (except for you, Steve Bartman. I hate you.) To summarize: fans are just as likely to do something stupid as an athlete... and there's waaaay more of them to deal with.

What am I getting at? Sports need to protect athletes from the fans - a quick look at any given years noteworthy "player-fan" interactions will show that it's generally a fan doing something stupid to a player (throwing beer, batteries... vomit if you're a fan of the Mexican National soccer team - seriously). One way to do that is to, as the Offspring said "Keep 'em Separated"... at least during intense moments.

One of the most intense moments in sports is the on field/court/raceway-fight. In baseball, this moment occurs relatively far from the fans. In basketball, this fight occurs in a much closer proximity to the fans, say, within the length of a beer that could be poured on a guy like Ron Artest. Once fans get to be involved in the fighting festivities, all bets are off. So essentially, baseball will allow MLB'er-on-MLB'er crime, as long as the violence doesn't spread from the inner-city infield to the suburban seats.

This isn't to say I wouldn't put it past a cat like Milton Bradley to go into the stands and go all "Michael-Douglas-in-Falling-Down" on some drunk assh*les.

- C.L.

____________________________________

I just opened up a match.com account. Any ideas for a good screen name?

Ray
Denver, CO

Ray,
I think the key with any dating screen name is to be subtle, but make a point; something about you or things that you like. For example, if you're a person without an STD, "Condoms-are-for-sailors" could be a good name.

A name like "Private Parts" may catch the eye of those servicewomen you've been eyeing. Or, a name along the lines of "Chloroform-N-Rope" will let the ladies know that you mean business on the first date... and that she probably shouldn't dress like "'no'-means-'yes'" around you. Also, anything followed by the number "69" is a subtle, classy way to let the ladies know that you're not scared to be intimate.

Happy hunting,
- C.L.

____________________________________

Question for Clayton? Comment for the world? Get at him @ clayton.lovett@thecheckdown.com

Monday Mourning: Week Seven

2009-10-28T00:16:56Z

After the NY Jets beat the Oakland Raiders 38-0 on Sunday, Jets players gave their offensive line coach, Bill Callahan, a Gatorade bath. Yes, the Gatorade bath. The one usually reserved for winning the division, clinching a playoff birth, or becoming a Superbowl champion. Callahan's players felt it appropriate to soak the coach in sports-drink, as Callahan was fired from the Raiders after the 2003 season.

...Fans of the University of Nebraska football team, where Callahan also coached, would probably also like to Callahan's head under liquid... but maybe dunked IN the Gatorade... That's right; I'm suggesting that Nebraska Fans would be pleased if Bill Callahan were to be murdered. In public. By the players he coaches... by being drowned in Gatorade.

The city of Green Bay, Wisconsin, recently posted a link on the city's web site asking for creative ways to "welcome" maligned (in Green Bay) Vikings QB Brett Favre back to Lambeau Field this Sunday.

Green Bay mayor, Jim "smells like" Schmidt, is going to announce the top four welcome-back ideas later this week. My idea?: Have Mark Chmura baby-sit Favre's daughters during the game. List your idea here.

New England went to Old England and routed Tampa Bay in London's Wembley Stadium, 35-7. NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell mentioned that the league has interest in putting a team in London.Given the state of the US economy, even the NFL is looking to pinch pennies, and by hiring brits to play football, they could save thousands on mouthpieces; there are no teeth worth protecting in London.

University of North Carolina: You win the latest "my owner is an idiot award." This is the first time the award hasn't been won by some lonely old woman who puts her cats in Arbor Day sweaters. Good job.

The event that stole a little bit of college football thunder on Saturday night was UFC 104. Ultimate fighting is about as profitable as it gets, and I'll be the first to admit that I know next to nothing about advertising... but is this the best place to market condoms to the "homo-phobe, alpha-male" crowd?

Also, one of the contestants that fought Saturday was Ryan "Darth" Bader. Yes. You're reading that right... If it were me, I would gone with "Master" for the nickname.

Hey, Dan Hawkins it IS division one football. Why are you still here?...Take solace in this, though, Dan, you're probably the winningest coach in college football history with 23 chromosomes.

Nebraska just turned it over again...

Headliners: NFL Week 7 Preview

2009-10-24T05:39:02Z

Steely victory; Pittsburgh hands Minnesota first loss
Minnesota at Pittsburgh (1 p.m. EST - Sunday - FOX)
Commentators: Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, and Tony Siragusa

There are a handful of interesting storylines that I'm sure will be unraveled as the game plays out. Brett Favre and the undefeated Vikings going against one of their first legitimate opponents in the Steelers; Mike Tomlin, former Minnesota defensive coordinator, coaching against his former team; Minnesota missing Antoine Winfield while Pittsburgh most likely gets Troy Polamalu back.

The storyline after the game? This high-scoring, hart-hitting affair is decided by the Purple's inability to rush and get to the quarterback. It becomes a statement game for both teams - Pittsburgh is still an AFC contender and Minnesota might be an NFC pretender.

Cutler puts on aerial display; throws 4 TD's against Bengals
Chicago at Cincinnati (3:15 p.m. EST - Sunday - FOX)
Commentators: Sam Rosen and Tim Ryan

Coming off a difficult a loss to the Falcons, the Bears get an immediate opportunity to prove themselves against an up-and-coming Bengals team. Cincinnati's Cedric Benson will be a trendy topic as he's lining up for the first time against the team that drafted him. But the commentators will repeat the fact that without Antwan Odom, the Bengals won't be able to maintain constant pressure on Cutler. Look for the Windy City quarterback to let if fly.

Cowboys fall flat against Falcons
Atlanta at Dallas (3:15 p.m. EST - Monday - FOX)
Commentators: Thom Brennaman and Troy Aikman

This game won't be as much about the Falcons and their continuing emergence of young superstars like Matt Ryan, but more about what appears to be the media-driven idea that Tony Romo is destined to be a failure. A difficult loss will only add to the chorus of boo birds in Dallas' new, gaudy stadium. At least he's not dating Jessica Simpson and Joe Buck is too busy with baseball to write his football epitaph.

Clayton's Mailbox: Vol. 1

2009-10-22T22:00:40Z

The Checkdown's resident rambler, Clayton Lovett, answers questions from a few pups who conjured queries worthy of a response.

This Steve Phillips stuff sure is crazy. What are your thoughts regarding infidelity?

-Ryan
Denver, CO

Ryan,
I think Steve Phillips should be embarassed, ashamed and humiliated. Did you see that girl (her name is Brooke Hundley)? DISGUSTING! What the hell was he thinking?! Rosie O'Donnell thinks this chick is ugly! When I heard that Steve Phillips was caught having an affair witha 22-year-old intern, I envisioned him romping around on the SportsCenter anchor desk with an Erin Andrews or Rachel Nichols-in-waiting. I didn't picture him getting up in Shrek.

If there were any reason for Phillips to deny this, it's for the sake of the reputation of his taste in women. There will be no high-fives in Bristol for this sexual conquest. If I were ESPN, I'd fire him on the grounds of "being gross."

Wanna induce vomiting? Read the letter that this bat-shit crazy woman, wrote to Phillips' poor wife, Marni... and then picture Steve and Kathy Bates, Jr. going at it.

Happy barfing,
- C.L.

I was at Lambeau field over the weekend for the Pack-Lions contest and spied a cornucopia of Mark Chmura Jerseys, but 'Chewy' retired after the 1999, what's the infatuation with him?

-Patrick
Indianapolis, Indiana

Patrick,
Maybe it's because Chmura was a career-long Packer. It could be because Chmura won a Super Bowl with Green Bay in 1997; Or maybe he's getting love from the Pack faithful for the three Pro Bowls. Those are all good reasons...

It could also be that people think it's awesome that he (allegedly) "put his money where his mouth is" in those conversations that sleeze-ball dads have, where they speculate about "the things I'd do to our babysitter." In 2000, Chmura was charged with having inappropriate sexual contact with the 17-year-old babysitter of his children....

I wish I would have know that the "Do you have any pro bowl tight end in you?...Want some?" pick-up line was such a winner during my high school years. I could have stopped lying about being All-State.

- C.L.

How did you know that the incident involving Falcon Heene, Balloon Boy, was hoax before the police? You must be quite the gum-shoe.

-Josh
Omaha, Nebraska

Josh,
Thanks for the compliment, but my sleuthing may not be as amazing as you make it out to be. It's quite simple, really. Just do what Ron Jaworski does; Watch the tape. Falcon's dad, Richard Heene, makes a fatal mistake at the very end of the film. He kicks air. Only in movies do people kick the air in anger. NO ONE kicks air in real life. No one. Even major league managers kick the dirt in an argument with an umpire.

Falcon's story was barely believable before that balloon hit the ground, but the air-kick makes it about as believeable as Tim Tebow's virginity.

- C.L.

Is this the best touchdown celebration ever?

-Ben
Beatrice, Nebraska

Ben,
Yes.

- C.L.

Question for Clayton? Comment for the world? Get at him @ clayton.lovett@thecheckdown.com

Monday Mourning: Week Six

2009-10-22T01:55:27Z

Monday Mourning Week Six: The "Tom Brady's Back and Drew Brees is for Real" Edition.

When Steelers kicker Jeff Reed used the men's room at a Pittsburgh convenience store over the weekend and found the place to be out of paper towels, he thought the best solution to the problem would be to beat the sh*t out of the machine and scream obscenities at the store attendant.

The result of this super-mature reaction to having wet hands was him being charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Pittsburgh police spokespeople said that, regrettably, they couldn't charge him with looking like this:

Did Craig Sager dress Brent Musburger for his broadcast of the Texas-OU game?

The University of Sioux Falls beat the University of North Dakota 28-13 last Saturday. Sioux Falls is the defending NAIA National Champion, while North Dakota is a member of NCAA Division 1AA (or the Football Championship Sub Division, if you wanna be a douche bag about it)...

Texas Tech, who stomped Nebraska by 21 in Lincoln last Saturday, beat North Dakota by 31 earlier in the season. Using the transitive property of sports, that means that Nebraska should be right behind Hastings College in the Great Plains Athletic Conference standings.

Memo to ESPN: I love the sports ticker scrolling scores across the bottom of the screen during all shows... I love it even more that it even goes on during commercials... but can you please get a handle on technology just enough so that the score of the game whose highlights I'm watching doesn't scroll across the screen during said highlight?!?

Nothing is worse than reading that Minnesota beat Baltimore when Ravens kicker Stephen Haruska missed a 46-yard field goal as time expired as I watch a highlight of Ravens kicker, Steven Haruska line-up for a 46-yarder as time expires, on SportsCenter.

On the NFL Networks NFL Gameday Final, Deion Sanders inexplicably changed shirts mid-show. At the end of the show, when co-hosts, Rich Eisen and Steve Mariucci asked him why he switched from his original white shirt to a purple shirt, Neon responded by saying "my outfit wasn't poppin enough." I don't even know what to say...

This has got to stop: Last night I I sneezed and someone said "Tim Tebow bless you."

Headliners: NFL Week 6 Preview

2009-10-16T03:51:49Z

"Saints stay undefeated against Giants"
New York Giants at New Orleans (1 p.m. EST - Sunday - FOX)
Commentators: Gus Johnson, Steve Tasker

This is the highlight game on Week 6's calendar. Early storylines will emphasize the fact that both New Orleans (4-0) and New York (5-0) are undefeated and it's an early (and I would emphasize "early") litmus test for the early NFC favorites. I would guarantee you'll here "potential NFC Championship game preview" at least once.

Each team's respective quarterbacks, Drew Brees and Eli Manning, will be under the microscope and the storyline for the winner will be the same no matter which player/team nabs the victory - their QB is the leading candidate for MVP and the team looks "poised to make a deep playoff run." In the feisty Superdome, I think the Saints have a few more prayers answered.

"Falcons offense continues potent performance"
Chicago at Atlanta (8:20 p.m. EST - Sunday - NBC)
Commentators: Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth

The build-up for this game will be the offenses, with the likes of "big-name" players such as Jay Cutler, Matt Forte, Michael Turner, Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez and Roddy White on the field and the Falcons coming off a drubbing of a respectable 49ers club. I think the game will live up to the hype, with a lot of points put up on the scoreboard. The difference will be a handful of errant Cutler throws (that Collinsworth will surely point to) and Atlanta's dome cookin'.

"Not so fast; Chargers hand Broncos first loss"
Denver at San Diego (8:30 p.m. EST - Monday - ESPN)
Commentators: Ron Jaworski, Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden

San Diego has had the burden of great expectations in what has been a mostly pathetic division the last few seasons. Now, Denver sits 5-0 and the Chargers are at risk of dropping back three games in the loss column. Most of the praise will deservedly be heaped on Josh McDaniels and Kyle Orton for the jobs they've done amidst off-season chaos.

But San Diego is more desperate, playing at home and has a quarterback in Philip Rivers that is 5-1 in his career against Denver. They get the victory on Rivers' arm in a game that the men on the pre-game show will say "San Diego has to win."

Monday Mourning: Week Five

2009-10-12T20:34:43Z

Monday Mourning Week Five: The "Get a Load of This Guy" Edition.

So Rush Limbaugh wants to be an NFL owner. Specifically, the pundit is rumored to be a part of the investment group looking to purchase the St. Louis Rams. This information has prompted a few current players (Bart Scott, Mathias Kiwanuka, and Donavon McNabb, for example) to voice a distaste for the flamboyant, right-wing talk show host, to the point that they claim they wouldn't play for a Limbaugh-owned team.

Prompting the question amongst media-types: "If Limbaugh put in a bid to own a team, would current owners vote for him?" I know I would. With all the good players not wanting to play for him, that would make the already lowly Rams an automatic "W" on everyone's schedule for a long time to come. Maybe Rush bring Al Sharpton into the investment group and polarize everyone.

Deion Sanders: Stop. Just stop. Leave the kids alone. First you throw a wrench into the Michael Crabtree holdout that only M.C. Hammer can remedy (you didn't misread, I really typed "M.C. Hammer"... we'll get to that shortly) by saying on national television that you thought Crabs would sit out for the entire season. Then, you get Oklahoma State all-everything receiver, Dez Bryant, suspended for Saturday's game against Texas A&M for off-season interactions with you.

Now, the NCAA is rumored to be looking into the relationship that you have with West Virginia tailback, Noel Devine, whom you tried to adopt a few years back. If I didn't know any better, Neon, I'd think that your behavior points to you being nothing more than a more athletic version of Michael Jackson. Forget seeing you on the NFL Network, my bet is that the next time you're on TV, it's walking into one of those stake-out houses for a chat with Dateline's Chris Hansen.

...and speaking of M.C. Hammer, he is a buddy of Crabtree's agent, Eugene Parker, and is rumored to have been present during the final contract negotiations between Crabs and the 49ers. The reason for the Dancing Machine's involvement has yet to be uncovered. The majority of the speculation is that Queen Latifah was already booked for the meeting.

Jets rookie QB Mark Sanchez looks to buck histories trend tonight and become the first, rookie QB drafted in the first round to win a MNF game. Those who have tried unsuccessfully are Joe Flacco, Matt Leinart, Tommy Maddux, and Jeff George.

...in addition to Sanchez, the other player to watch tonight is recent addition, wide-out Braylon Edwards. Edwards, who led the league in dropped balls last year, was traded last week after getting in a fight with a friend of LeBron James outside of a Cleveland night club. Edwards is 6-3, 215 lbs., King James' buddy was allegedly about 5-10, a buck-50. Let's hope Braylon doesn't try to pick on Spike Lee.

I can't decided whether Vikings head coach, Brad Childress, looks more like a priest or junior high counselor.

Just before kickoff in Sunday's game against Jacksonville, Seattle Seahawks bruiser-of-a-fullback, Owen Schmidt, was gushing blood from a self-inflicted forehead gash that he sustained while head-butting his own helmet during pre-game introductions. Schmidt, who went to college in West Virginia, was overheard telling teammates that he hadn't been so embarrassed since he was caught "cheating on my hot sister with my ugly sister."

Headliners: NFL Week 5 Preview

2009-10-09T04:34:51Z

"Palmer, Bengals earn their stripes"
Cincinnati at Baltimore (1 p.m. EST - Sunday - CBS)
Commentators: Gus Johnson, Steve Tasker

This meeting of 3-1 teams could wind-up being a shootout, with both teams demonstrating the ability to toss the ball all over the field. Ray Lewis is always a storyline, but look for Carson Palmer (re-emerging from an injury-plagued season) and early Defensive Player of the Year candidate Antwan Odom to receive most the post-game buzz.

"Brady's bunch air it out against Broncos, former O.C."
New England at Denver (4:15 p.m. EST - Sunday - CBS)
Commentators: Jim Nantz, Phil Simms

Despite Denver running out of the gate at 4-0, the juicy subplot of Bill Belichick facing his protégé, Josh McDaniels, will be too much too resist. The Master will show that the young grasshopper has much to learn and this beat-down may make national pundits rethink drinking the Mile-High Kool-Aid.

"Dolphins D grounds Sanchez, Jets "
New York Jets at Miami (8:30 p.m. EST - Monday - ESPN)
Commentators: Ron Jaworski, Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden

It's cliché, but the Monday Night crew will point to the Jets game last week and question whether or not the New Orleans Saints put together a "blueprint" on rattling rookie Mark Sanchez. And they might be right. The story after this game will be the Dolphins defense and the multiple blitz schemes they used to keep the Jets offense from developing any consistency. And the Wildcat formation will be mentioned half-a-million times.

2009 MLB Playoff Picks

2009-10-07T15:30:05Z

A handful of Checkdown staffers take a crack at naming the 2009 World Series Champion.

Steve Turney

Divisional Series
Rockies over Phillies in 4
Cardinals over Dodgers in 5
Yankees over Twins in 4
Angels over Red Sox in 5

Championship Series
Cardinals over Rockies in 7
Yankees over Angels in 6

World Series
Cardinals over Yankees in 6

C.L. Lovett

Divisional Series
Rockies over Phillies
Cardinals over Dodgers
Yankees over Twins
Angels over Red Sox

Championship Series
Rockies over Cardinals
Yankees over Angels

World Series
Rockies over Yankees

Anthony May

Divisional Series
Phillies over Rockies in 5
Cardinals over Dodgers in 4
Yankees over Twins in 4
Angels over Red Sox in 4

Championship Series
Cardinals over Phillies in 6
Angels over Yankees in 6

World Series
Angles over Cardinals in 6

Grant Bachman

Divisional Series
Phillies over Rockies in 4
Cardinals over Dodgers in 4
Yankees over Twins in 5
Red Sox over Angels in 4

Championship Series
Phillies over Cardinals in 7
Red Sox over Yankees in 6

World Series
Red Sox over Phillies in 7

Danny Nicklin

Divisional Series
Phillies over Rockies in 4
Cardinals over Dodgers in 4
Yankees over Twins in 4
Angels over Red Sox in 4

Championship Series
Cardinals over Phillies in 6
Yankees over Angels in 7

World Series
Yankees over Cardinals in 6